yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
