Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
