She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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