The maid of honor just puked.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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