Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
