there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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