Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
