I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
