yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
