her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Shame is for Republicans.
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