so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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