plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
