I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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