update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
