It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How external is "for external use only"?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
