Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
