I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
