will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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