You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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