I'm gonna have a badass scar
she looked like the before picture.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
