i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
