i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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