I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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