Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
