I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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