my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You pole danced in your parka.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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