well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
