Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
