is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
