happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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