And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
