I just saw a hot homeless man
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
