It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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