burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
