I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
