Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
