I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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