Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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