her vagine was all disorganized.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
