i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
