My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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