i think my tv is drunk
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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