He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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