You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she told me i tasted like america
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
