I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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