The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
