I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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