I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just googled if crying burns calories
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
