So drunk its hurt
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
