evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
