After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
